I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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