so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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