i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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