I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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