How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
