Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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