were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
