I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
