She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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