I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
