I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
