I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
