one two three fourrrrnication!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
