M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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