I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
