We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
