Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize