Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
