She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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