My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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