she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
