so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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