Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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