i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
