how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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