He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
