What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
