You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
