I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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