My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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