We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
