i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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