What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
