Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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