You made me cry and you don't even care
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
