I faked an abortion last night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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