i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
