First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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