Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
