he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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