did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize