Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
