Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
