six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
