There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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