I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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