plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
