I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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