I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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