So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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