Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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