I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize