Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
