He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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