Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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