i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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