I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
