I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no you cant smoke seaweed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
