bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
