R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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