my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
