Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
