I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
