That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
