I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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