I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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