im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
