I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
