god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
