Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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