Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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