Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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