Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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