If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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