It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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