We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
