Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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