Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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