Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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