Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
