2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am midnight drunk by noon
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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