Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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