If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
