so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
